Yesterday I had been planning on attending a friends baby shower. Unfortunately, the arrival of Aunt Flo after another IVF cycle put a dampener on my planned outing. Emotionally I was raw and upset from yet another failure. Whilst I am very happy for my friend, the thought of sitting with a bunch of women watching her open presents for the impending arrival of her baby boy was too much to bear.
The oohs and ahhs of potentially seeing little baby bibs, cuddle rugs and cute clothing was enough to put my head in a tail spin. It has nothing to do with my friends. The thing is that with each IVF failure, you are confronted with the possibility that you might never realise your dream of becoming a parent. Seeing iconic baby items is not helpful when you are in this phase. You are confronted with the thought that you might never buy these items for yourself – well your own baby.
Had the shower been a week or so later, I am sure that mentally I would have been OK with attending but at the moment the pain is too raw. In the end I had to ring my friend and explain to her that I was happy for her but I was unable to attend for fear of making a spectacle of myself by bursting into tears at the mere sight of some cutie toy baby things. I thought it was in my best interests and also in hers that I didn’t attend. Fortunately, my friend was very understanding and empathetic. She herself had almost been thinking of going down the IVF path at one stage as it took her quite a while to conceive. We will be catching over after Christmas so I think that is a better outcome.
I also had to ring another friend, who recently announced she was pregnant via IVF and who also was attending the baby shower. She didn’t know anyone else at the baby shower so was looking forward to me attending. Ringing her was not an easy task because whilst I am happy for her, it seems unfair that it only took her one stimulated IVF cycle and 2 FETs to get pregnant. Sometimes you just want to scream “What about me?” You also have to protect your own interests – theres nothing great about being a blubbering mess in a room full of other women or people feeling sorry for you. We have been trying longer but have been unlucky in getting the final prize. The unanswerable question is “will weever get there?”
I’m so sorry to hear about AF and the shower being so close to one another. Makes you feel like God’s got a real messed up sense of humor, eh? I’m glad you’re friend was so understanding. Hang in there.
Thank you so much for sharing on Busted! I was touched by your story. I found your old blog, and I love the changes you’ve made here. The only think I miss is the Google Friend Connect! It makes it easier to see when you have new posts! Again, thank you so much for the comment 🙂
Thanks for sharing this. I don’t feel so alone. You are stronger than me in even considering attending a baby shower. I cant even watch kiddy ads on TV. I spend every day avoiding anything that will trigger the sadness of my barren existence.
I wish I could answer your question and give you hope.