This month I really thought that there was a possibility I could be pregnant even though I had been negative about it happening this time. My negativity stemmed from the fact that this month I ovulated later than normal and then somehow my hormones surged for 3 whole days before I actually ovulated. As my body was behaving differently to normal, I decided to change the number of embryos transferred from two to one. The logic being not to waste the embryos I had. I really felt that my body was conspiring against me for this cycle to get pregnant.
However, some positive things occurred which lead me to think this time could be different. My period was 3 days late – a pretty rare event. I didn’t develop acne. I didn’t feel bloated. I’ve been making some positive changes to my lifestyle – getting more sleep, having regular acupuncture and taking Chinese herbal medicines twice daily. It also seemed quite plausible and after 10 IVF attempts, surely it was my turn to fall pregnant. I also made a big personal decision and decided not to put my life and career on hold until I got pregnant.
Unfortunately, Aunt Flo decided to arrive yesterday. So its now back to the drawing board again! As much as I was filled with anticipation, I have learned not to get excited or upset about the possibility of getting or not getting pregnant. Its funny but my initial failures have been quite disappointing. Each subsequent failure seems to have gotten harder and harder to bear. But now it is less difficult. Whilst I would still dearly love to have a little baby and am upset at the thought of never having a baby of my own, I can’t let it control me. IVF has almost become this thing that just happens to me. I have no control over it. Maybe it is just surrendering to life as it happens moment by moment.
I’ve been reading your blog in the past few months, actually I discovered it right before my 6th IVF procedure, in Noveber 09. I don’t want to sound like somebody intruding your personal space and giving unwanted advice.
However, reading about your 10th IVF cycle, I wonder if you have ever thought of re-assessing your whole history. Just to look again at all your medical tests, compare (if you had noted down) how the things were going in the different IVF cycles – levels of your hormones, the type of stimulation, number of eggs retrieved and so on. And you can discuss the outcome with your doctor and decide on the next steps together. My point is that probably there’s something you missed… Probably some tests should or might be done again – the things are changing.
Good luck!
Thanks for your comments. I am not offended at all. I have a list of results for each procedure and the treatment protocol has not varied at all (i.e. I’ve had the same level of drugs). The only thing that has varied is that fact that I have gone from antagonist to full cycle. Essentially my clinic does not give me test results of my hormones nor does my doctor discuss this with me. What sort of results would you expect to get from your doctor / clinic?
Dear Carol,
Probably I should start with some history – I am with blocked falopian tubes and this was the only problem identified. I was a patient of 3 different clinics, everywhere they keep a protocol of the stimulation containing information about the hormone levels on each day (E2 or E2 and Progesterone before the start of the procedure and Progesterone, LH and E2 every 2-3 days during the stimulation), number of follicules and their size, and the treatment (type of the drugs, levels and so on). The clinics will never give you a copy of this particular protocol (at least here, I’m from Bulgaria). I understood this after my first unsuccessful procedure, so I started noting down some of the details (everything mentioned above without the number and size of follicules – I was only noting down the number of retrieved eggs, how many of them were fertilized and I was either keeping the pictures of my embryos from the day of the transfer or I was noting down their development stage and number of embryos transferred). So for the second and the third clinic where I went as a patient, I had – apart from the different tests I had done – also some history of the stimulation cycles which was giving an idea how do I react on the different drugs. I was always asking for the test results of my hormones and I was noting them down immediately – they normally won’t give them to you, but those results are information you are entitled to, as a patient, at least according to our laws, so they can’t refuse providing it. Additionally – each time the type of the stimulation was changing (the first 4 stimulated cycles I went on long protocol, but the drugs or the dozage, or both were changing, I had one frozen embryo transfer and the 5th stimulated cycle I went on short protocol), basically the understanding is that if the cycle was not successful, you should change the stimulation protocol. Additionally, in the first clinic, I had 3 attempts to go on very “light” stimulation with no down regulation, this was a complete disaster and we never got to an embryo transfer.
So – it was very difficult for me to make the decision and change the first clinic, but I felt that 3 stimulations + 1 frozen embryo transfer + 3 not finished cycles are saying enough. In the second clinic the approach was almost the same – minimal change to the protocol, mainly focused on drastically increasing the drug levels. I didn’t like this and changed the clinic again. In the third clinic we started looking back at all the tests I had done and we decided to repeat step 1: hysterosalpingography. It showed hydrosalpinx in both my tubes which had to be removed (you probably know that the chances of getting pregnant with hydrosalpinx are really low).
Reading your story, I see that you have pretty good ovarian response – the number of eggs retrieved and fertilized seems quite ok to me (I have no medical background, I only have read a lot because of my procedures – my response was definitely much lower). Probably it’s worth to ask your clinic for the results (or that part they would be ok to provide you with) and either review it with your doctor or ask for a second opinion. 10 cycles are a lot – financially, emotionally, physically.
There is a lot of information on the web, different medical websites which can help you decide what to do next. I’m sure there is an answer for your case.
Hi Polina,
Thank you for your considered response. You are probably right and I should look at another clinic. It is a hard decision to make. IVF as you know is disruptive and it doesn’t help when people in the work environment are unsupportive. There is guilt about interrupting work and the convenience that it is close to work to contend with. Something to consider though in the near future. Only 1 frozen embryo left now – I have just had one implanted.